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Day 13_How Did I Get Here

Start:Jul 05, 2020

Duration:10 Minute(s)

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the ability to make friends who bring out the best in you (My Space).

Description: 'My Space' is part of The Next Step navigational series. Use it like a GPS. Each day it gives specific steps to help you choose friends and ... Read More


Step 1

Are you tempted to allow people back into your life who don’t treat you well?

Is it because you want to rescue them from themselves, or do you fear that breaking off the friendship will make them go off the deep end?

Could it be that you're trying so hard to help someone that you're overstepping your bounds and actually preventing them from getting the help they need?

It happens.

It's a trap many of us fall into thinking we're being kind.

But it's anything but kind to remain in a friendship that takes far more than it gives, especially if you or the other person is in a compromised situation.

How much does this apply to you?

Step 2

If it applies to you, then it helps to realize what those boundaries are and why we keep crossing them.

Go to the video icon above to listen to a message about codependency.

It means 'rescue' behavior, which is a very easy one to fall into if we don't know any differently.

No need to subscribe to their membership. Simply watch and get an idea for where you are now.

When you're finished, please rate how helpful this video was to you.

Step 3

Codependency can play out in dating relationships and friendships.

It's a problem both men and women can experience.

Go to the video icon again for an example of a dysfunctional dating relationship.

Guys, we hear ya! We're aware that it goes both ways.

Tell us what you thought about the video when you've finished.

Step 4

Do you think you may be trying to rescue or protect someone?

Step 5

If so, consider that you may have an issue with codependency.

Rescue behavior tends to take down both people involved. Think about that quicksand analogy.

Another way to think about rescue behavior is that it strips away the dignity of the person on the receiving end.

It prevents that person from reaching a point where they will be forced to seek the real help they need.

It doesn't do much for your dignity either.

If this applies, do you think you both deserve better?

Step 6

Picture what it would look like to set this person free. Imagine what your everyday life would feel like to let them go.

Describe what it would look and feel like on a day-to-day basis.

Step 7

Is there a person you're trying to help too much?

Step 8

How willing are you to let them go so they can get the help they need?

Step 9

If you still feel a strong need to rescue or protect someone, consider this: you may be in the way of their recovery or their chance to become the person they were meant to be.

If you don't get out of their way, then they'll continue to suffer, and so will you. Their pain is prolonged.

If you remove yourself as a crutch, then they can find the healing they need on their own.

So can you.

Consider giving them the dignity of choice to succeed or fail.

Consider that it may not be fair or respectful to them or to you to control a person's life or to allow your's to be controlled.

If this applies to you, what will you do today to begin freeing both of you so you both are given a chance to become the people you were meant to be?

That could be the kindest gift of all!

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