Please be patient. A whole new experience is on the horizon...

Start:Jul 04, 2020

Duration:25 Minute(s)

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the ability to overcome emotions that result in painful outcomes (Blind Spots).

Description: 'Blind Spots' is part of The Next Step series designed as a personal nav system. Each day it offers specific step-by-step guidance to help ... Read More


Step 1

In the movie, 'As Good As It Gets,' Jack Nicholson plays a character who's a prime example of rage.

Nicholson's character is ridiculously unkind. His venom spills out in sarcasm and unnecessarily mean-spirited comments.

We chose this example to show you because, while it made us wince, sometimes it takes an extreme example to understand how much pain we cause others without realizing how far we've crossed the line.

Go to the video icon and watch the first clip, 'As Good As It Gets'.

Select 'Successful' when you've finished the video.

Step 2

Rage. You know what we're talking about. Who doesn't know it?

Rage is that emotion that gets a sudden, forceful grip on a person. It wells up from some place deep inside.

Before we realize what's happening, it erupts as a torrent of outrage, spewing itself on someone or something.


The damage is done.

The question that follows is, 'What just happened? Why do I keep doing that?'

Rage is an emotion that often leaves you feeling helpless and hopeless about controlling it. If you're on the receiving end, it feels devastating.

Let's find out what's driving it. Then we'll give you a tool to overcome it.

Have you witnessed - or been the target of - an unfair, angry outburst?

Step 3

Have you unleashed your 'inner Godzilla' on someone who didn't deserve the full extent of your wrath?

Step 4

If you said, 'yes', in Steps 2 or 3, then describe the most recent experience.

Step 5

Go to the video icon and watch Tyler Perry in the second clip.

How positive would you say this clip was?

Step 6

Mr. Perry said he had a 'rough upbringing' with his father. But something happened that shut down his rage.

"When I got to a point where I could forgive him, my life changed...Rage...if you have all this unforgiveness in your heart for a situation, it can sit inside of you and make you become someone else. So I know how important it is to forgive for yourself."

"Forgive FOR yourself." That's how Mr. Perry and others like him are able to reclaim their lives. They forgive, not for the other person. They're not saying it was okay. They're saying, "I want my life back."

You don't have to let the injustice eat away at your insides and spill out onto others because of the uncontrollable anger it fuels.

Briefly describe why you're so mad.

If you don't feel angry, then what makes you feel helpless and frustrated?

Step 7

Forgiveness, as Mr. Perry noted, allows you to carry on with your life, no longer feeling stuck in a bad place, no longer allowing the rage to control you.

Can you forgive someone for an experience that has kept you hurting?

Step 8

We encourage you to sit still for a moment and find words that help you express the sense of release you're after, the freedom you deserve.

Next, write what - or who - you forgive and why.

Step 9

To keep it honest, are you willing to apologize to someone you've hurt recently?

Step 10

If you're the target of someone who has a violent temper, will you firmly commit to stop having anything to do with them until they've handled their business?

Forgive them and move on.

You may re-engage very slowly if the person has made significant improvements in behavior - not words but behavior - after at least a year.

They need to prove to you they've made changes that will last.

You need to prove to yourself that you have the strength to stand your ground.

So will you make the commitment?

Step 11

Take an hour today and spend it by yourself.

Do something, like take a long walk, that allows you to envision the kind of future for yourself that makes you smile when you dream about it.

While you're at it, think of ways you could treat yourself better as you head toward this new future.

Here are some ways to treat yourself well:
* To recognize what's good about you
* Accept a kind offer
* Do something nice for a stranger
* Envision what you can do now to have better friendships
* Picture yourself graduating from college or starting a job you enjoy
* Join a sports team or a club
* Dream about the kind of parent you want to become and take the steps you need to take to become that person

Will you take that hour?

Step 12

We'll see you tomorrow.

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