Please be patient. A whole new experience is on the horizon...

Start:Jul 02, 2020

Duration:15 Minute(s)

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the confidence to resolve differences with your ego intact (Say What?! Escape from Drama).

Description: 'Escape Drama' is part of The Next Step navigational series developed by Jeremiah's Promise (JP). It's designed to be a personal GPS to prov ... Read More

Summary:

Step 1

Go to the video icon above and watch the first video. See if you can identify the filter of the main character.

Tell us how what you thought about the clip when you've finished.

Step 2

Did you catch it? How did David feel about letting his guard down?

Step 3

Our filters are our viewpoints, the way we see ourselves and take in information from others.

Filters are often distorted by our circumstances, past experience and relationships with friends and family.

Filters affect what we hear and how we relate.

Filters can trigger drama, or they can avert it.

In the first clip you saw, David expressed one of his filters. He mistrusted people because of his past.

In fact, he was told at one point in his life, "Don't trust anyone." At the time, that was great advice. But it no longer applied now that he was in a safe situation.

Still doubting?

Okay, we hear you.

Answer this: what is your initial reaction to someone in authority who approaches you and asks what you're doing?

Are you nervous or at ease?

Step 4

No matter how you responded, the most important thing is to be honest with yourself.

Being honest about how you see yourself and being honest about the criteria you use to size people up are also vital pieces to this whole filter thing.

You could be the one person in the room to turn everything around for good.

Often we're so used to responding in certain ways that we fail to realize the effect. Why? Our filters are messed up.

First of all, they're not honest.

Secondly, they don't trust people who should be trusted.

Third, they lie to us about why we should mistrust certain people as a general principle.

Go to the video icon above and watch the second clip about cleaning filters.

Tell us if the message landed with you when you've finished.

Step 5

What makes you feel the most comfortable around someone?

Step 6

What makes you feel tense?

Step 7

How accurate do you think your perceptions are when people disagree with you?

Step 8

Would the people closest to you agree with how you responded?

You'll know you're tripped up when disagreements turn into flares of drama. You'll know you're really off track when this happens more than once a week.

With this in mind, what usually happens when you disagree with someone or they say something that hurts your feelings?

Step 9

Drama Buster #1:
Be Honest. Keep it Chill.

To keep the fur from flying, be honest with yourself about what you think is happening.

Then explain to the other person how you interpreted what they said. Ask if this is what they meant.

Give it everything you have to understand the other person. Remember there are filters on both sides, and both of you have incorrect ways of taking in information.

That said, keep it chill. That means calm voice, low volume.

Try your very best not to equate something someone is saying now to something hurtful that was said or done to you in the past. (That's a filter.)

Will you start the next disagreement with this tip: be honest and leave the past behind as best you can?

Step 10

As you go through your day, pay attention to triggers that show where your filters may be off.

When you get tense, stop, recognize the filter in play.

Recalibrate by listening to and really hearing what the other person has to say.

Incorporate the Drama Buster if you have the opportunity.

Will you try this?

We'll ask you about it tomorrow in Day 3's steps.

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