Please be patient. A whole new experience is on the horizon...

Start:Jul 04, 2020

Duration:10 Minute(s)

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will increase the confidence to understand your value and learn how to command respect (Worthy of Respect).

Description: This 21-day trail is part of The Next Step series that offers step-by-step guidance to help teens and young adults discover their value and ... Read More


Step 1

Let's talk about those messages that your mind plays over and over. We all hear them, and they go a long way to define how we think of ourselves, how we live, how we respond to other people and what we do about pursuing our dreams.

Write some of those not-so-great phrases in the space provided. Be quick about this task. Don't dwell on it. Move to Step 2 as soon as you finish.

Step 2

Is it time to rewrite the internal dialogue that brings you down?

You're not alone in this. We all have messages playing in our heads that try to hold us back. It's universal.

Think about the negative self talk that may have come from your past experience. These may be the basis of the phrases you wrote about above.

Consider dealing with them in this way. Every author knows that the material they start out with is likely going to be changed and maybe even rewritten completely. Their outline is revised repeatedly until they have the message and the story's ending that satisfies them.

Do you see how this metaphor is like the stages of life?

Step 3

Let's approach those messages that nag us as if we were the author.

Still don't know what we're talking about? We're referring to messages you replay inside your mind that stem from whatever happened that makes you squirm when you think about it.

These memories and the messages they convey can be revised in this chapter of your life.

You might be thinking, "Huh??!!"

It's like this. Recognize the messages for what they are.

Essentially they blame and shame. It keeps us down. Sometimes we have to stop blaming and shaming ourselves for the things that we've done or been accused of doing or experiences we've been through.


Maybe you think your life is going to have an outcome that you're afraid might not go so well based on your past. We hear ya!

Would you consider rewriting that part of the book that says that "this is all there is, and things will never get better?"

Start here: Stop replaying memories about the past. Maybe it's time to forgive yourself, so you can move on freely.

How much does this relate to your story?

Step 4

If so, then let's start changing the message.

Doing so can rebuild your self confidence, which is fundamental in helping you understand that you are worthy of respect. Period.

So...let's start. How do you begin to revise the current chapter of your life story in a way that positively affects the outcome of every chapter that follows?

What happened happened. What was said was said.

Whatever you're telling yourself that makes you feel unworthy has to go. Time to hit the delete button on that message in your mind.

The past is past. You're in a new chapter of life with new opportunities, a revised outline, so to speak.

That starts by understanding that the pages of your life story are not complete. There are many blank spaces inside that have yet to be filled.

Start with your story. Chapter 1: How would you describe the person you would like to become?

Step 5

Imagine that the person you described in the above step meets the person you are today.

What would 'future you' say to 'current' you?

Step 6

Go to the 'video' icon above and hear how Mary J. Blige squashes her 'Doubt.'

Tell us what you think of the message when you've finished.

Step 7

So...would you change anything that 'future you' said to 'current you'?

Step 8

Try this. It's a radical approach. Are you ready?

Each time you face a person who has been through something similar, encourage them.

You can help them stop feeling bad about themselves by gently explaining how you're doing it. It helps even if you're only one step ahead of them.

Each time you use your experience to improve someone else's situation, you honor them. You honor yourself. You get just a little bit freer from those tough-to-hear messages in your head until one day, they're gone.

The bonus is that you regain your sense of dignity when you help someone regain theirs. The message in your head begins to change. Your whole attitude changes.

Will you keep your eyes open for someone to help through a similar experience, giving them hope and helping them remove their doubts?

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