Please be patient. A whole new experience is on the horizon...

Start:Jul 04, 2020

Duration:15 Minute(s)

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the ability to make friends who bring out the best in you (My Space).

Description: 'My Space' is part of The Next Step navigational series. Use it like a GPS. Each day it gives specific steps to help you choose friends and ... Read More


Step 1

As you look for friends, keep in mind that invitations should give them the dignity to say no.

Invite them to do something. If you haven't heard from them in a few days, you could extend another invitation.

After the third try, move on. It’s okay. This will free you to find someone who may have more in common with you or who has the time to spend with you.

Sound good?

Step 2

It's important that when someone says 'yes' to your invitation, that you show up on time and don't flake.

How committed are you to showing up on time, no excuses?

Step 3

Name a few activities you enjoy that you could invite someone to do with you.

For example a hike or movie or pick up game of basketball is a good start.

Step 4

The more you get to know this person, and they get to know you, the more you 'interlock (or overlap) shields'.

Simply put: you have each other's backs. The caveat is to share the same or similar values.

Your community of friends becomes stronger when you're lined up with each other in terms of core values and shared experiences.

At this point how important to you are values and shared experiences?

Step 5

Skill sets have value, too. Academics or work-related skills are okay, but personal traits and values are the thing to focus on.

Some of the skill sets we mentioned were the ability to Encourage, Strengthen, Challenge and Lead.

It's wise to choose at least one person each to fit every one of these skill sets, keeping in mind that each skill set represents a shield.

As these fall into place, you begin to battle life's uncertainties AS ONE, like the 'Gladiator' clip.

We've talked about this before and want to emphasize it again. The way you'll get to know each other is a very natural process, but it will take time.

'Time' means at least 9 to 12 months of regular, weekly or twice-a-month interactions.

In the past, how well have you been able to allow friendships to develop over time?

Step 6

Again it's okay if someone says no to you. It may feel like rejection, but it’s NOT personal.

Move on to the next person.

At this moment how confident are you that you can hear a 'no' and move on without getting down about it?

Step 7

If you feel uncertain, then take a moment to think about a great song that really 'sends' you.

The feeling of the song you choose is what you're aiming for in a good friendship. Hang on to this song and the feeling it leaves with you.

So...what song did you choose?

Step 8

If you're not feeling the same good vibes with your 'maybe friend' as you do with your favorite song, it could be an indication to move on.

But first do an honest gut check to make sure you're really open and ready to make new friends.

The bad vibe could be on your side, not theirs, if you're not ready to reach out.

How much do you think this applies to your situation?

Step 9

You've gotten through a lot today. Keep at it.

All you have to do is trust the process.

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