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Title: Day 9_Baggage Handling
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Goal: this task will accomplish the achievement of the goal to stop lashing out or shutting down (Blind Spots).
Next Step - JP published this Cognitive Task at under Societal | Foster Care and Education | Interpersonal and Social Skills
Doers: 6 | Form: Cognitive Task | Phase: | Type: Primary | Level: 1 | Code:
Start: Dec 12, 2019 | When: | Duration: 10 Minute(s)
  • Take a moment to review areas where you may struggle:

    a- Communication that doesn't blame others
    b- Ability to be patient and hear each other out
    c- Ability to express compassion
    d- Honest, yet respectful, when discussing feelings
    e- Can be real and vulnerable
    f- Have a sense of humor without being mocking or sarcastic
    g- Willing to work through differing viewpoints until a solution is reached
    h- Dependable and reliable - you do what you say you'll do

    Select 'Successful' when you've finished.
  • Which area or areas trip you up the most?
  • Why do you think that is?
  • How frequently do you feel the need to run or fight when disagreeing - even if the response is just in your mind?
  • How much do you realize that you may be incorrectly judging situations that make you feel angry or nervous?
  • Let's try something a little different.

    When you find yourself in a difficult conversation, assuming the other person is pretty normal, then do this:

    *Force yourself to hear all that's said
    *Count to 10
    *Count to 10 again
    *See the person as just that, a person with feelings that go just as deep as yours
    *Remind yourself that everyone deserves the right to be treated with dignity
    *Ask questions - without attitude - if you're confused by something
    *Respond with a reasonable and calm voice
    *React to the other person exactly as you would like them to act toward you

    ** This advice won't work if there is violence or a threat of violence. In that case, get out immediately and don't return. Call someone to help you. Call 911.

    How often are you willing to follow this advice?
  • You may have to start your turnaround by forgiving yourself each time you bungle it. And we all bungle it at times.

    In fact you can expect to mess up on occasion and either shut down or blow up. That's the nature of any major change.

    If so, forgive yourself.

    A cowboy would describe it this way: When you get knocked off your horse, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the saddle.

    At the same time, realize that when you leave a relational mess, you need to go clean it up. Apologize to the other person without blaming them for anything they may have said or done. This is about your business, not theirs.

    The caveat is that apologizing isn't to be used as a way to make your bad actions acceptable. They're not acceptable.

    At the other end of the spectrum, if you continually shut down during a conversation, then you need to apologize for that, too, assuming the other person is a reasonable and rational human being. They don't deserve to be treated as if they're abusive if they're not.

    Is there anyone you need to apologize to? Who? You may practice by writing it out if you need to. It starts with six words. I am sorry. I was wrong.
  • Step away from the computer. Silence your cell. Walk right by the TV and make that apology.

    Are you going to own your business?
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